


Let's Hurt Tonight

by FelineBlue



Series: This Is How I Lost You [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fighting, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Might add another chapter if I feel like it lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 11:36:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11147595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelineBlue/pseuds/FelineBlue
Summary: "Keith's heart stopped. The realization hitting him when he finally let what he had said sink in.“Lance---”“Save it. I'm nothing to you, but a selfish, wannabe pilot with a death wish remember?” "





	Let's Hurt Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> If you do not want to read about anxiety attacks, because it is described and heavily implied, then please skip over Lance's little part or do not read. I really do not want anyone to be triggered or hurt over this but it felt necessary for the story.
> 
> I'm also trying to get back into writing, so if any of you guys like my writing, please feel free to message me anywhere at one of my links with a prompt or a request because YA GIRL NEEDS PRACTICE AND I MISS WRITING BYE.
> 
> This work is unbeta'd and unedited so I am sorry.

“Fuck, Lance!”

Keith stormed into his room first, throwing his jacket off immediately as it hit with a heavy dull thud against the wall. Lance followed in after him, his face pulled tight into mask of calm as he locked the sliding door behind him.

“You could have fucking died with a stunt like that! Why didn't you wait for Allura's order?”

Keith asked frustrated, he could still see the blue lion dashing past him after everyone had screamed bloody murder about what a bad idea it was. Lance on the other hand, single handily gave no shits and rushed off after Shiro's lion with a whole fleet of Galra on his tail.

He could still feel his heart clench up at the sight of watching the fire consume everything around them, including the blue lion.

Keith heard rather than saw Lance take a long drawn out breathe before speaking up, his voice still rough from all the smoke inhalation that he refused to be treated for just yet. The two had immediately stormed off with each other after the team had gotten back to their hangers. But it wasn't before they all heard Keith roar and rip off his helmet as he grabbed Lance's wrist to drag him away from the others.

“It was a stupid idea to let him go alone. We are a team, Keith. He needed back up and I was the only one willing.”

“Shiro is a much more experienced pilot than you are! We all could have held back the masses of fucking galra from a distant and let him complete the rescue! We could have lost the both of you and then Voltron would never be able to form. How are we supposed to save everyone?”

He looked up at his teammate, his brows knitted together in anger as he tried his best not to scream insult after insult at the blue lion's pilot. Keith never wanted to experience whatever he was feeling at that time ever again.

Not again.

Keith would not loose someone he loved if he could prevent it.

Lance visibly froze as he looked down at Keith from where he stood. His arms were crossed over his broad chest and his eyes were wide in surprise, an incredulous look fell across over his face before his thin lips pulled up into a very forced smile.

“Is that it Keith? That all you wanted to yell at me for? How inexperienced I am? How I'm putting Voltron at risk? I'm sorry, since you're the much better pilot and all, what should I have done? Watch as Shiro practically drove himself into a suicide mission just to prove that he could save all those people alone or the fact that we all were on the sidelines, instructed not to fire or anything at the fleet that were approaching because oh, the black paladin has it under control but whoops, there goes half of the ship in a fiery fucking inferno and no one to have his back.”

Keith grit his teeth before he picked himself back up from where he sat on his bed onto his feet to physically shove Lance into the wall. The tall boy took a couple fumbled steps backward before bumping into Keith's desk, his arm thrown up in defence as his face fell. Blue eyes stared back at him with a glassy expression but Keith refused to make eye contact with him any further.

He tried so hard not to look into Lance's hurt expression as Keith let the burning red of his rage blind him before he even got to think about what he was going to say next.

“I've had it with your self sacrificing, your smart mouth and how fucking annoying you can get when you're not following orders. We are a team, we move as a team and we follow orders from our team leader. Shiro told us to stay behind in case he needed us and Allura was there to tell us when that time was appropriate. But you, fuck, it's always you Lance, you went against orders and put all of us in danger. You put Voltron in danger and then what? The universe has nothing else to fight the Galra with but you went and tried to throw it all away because you wanted to do what's right. Well, what's right isn't always whats best but you wouldn't know that would you? You're always too busy running your mouth to shut up and listen.”

Keith, in the midst of his rant, had pressed his whole body into Lance's. His hands gripped the desk beside Lance's hips, his knuckles almost white from how hard he was holding the cool thick metal. He could feel how rigid Lance had gotten underneath him, couldn't hear anything from the other boy but his own harsh breathe.

“That's it then, you're finished?”

Lance asked softly, his voice wavered subtly but Keith put no thought into it. He held his place as he tried to calm himself down, but the boy in front of him made no move to help.

Keith's heart stopped. The realization hitting him when he finally let what he had said sink in.

“Lance---”

“Save it. I'm nothing to you, but a selfish, wannabe pilot with a death wish remember?”

Keith looked up finally to see in time how much he had hurt the one he loved the most before Lance closed off his expression with a tight smile. The blue paladin gently pushed him away so he could slip past him. Lance was quicker than him and had disappeared from his sight before he could even begin to rain down his apologies.

Running after him was next on his list but by the time he had run down the hallway to try and catch up, Keith couldn't even see any sign of his boyfriend. Lance had melted away from his grasp and he had no idea where they stood now.

The two of them have fought before, over trivial things and the sort, but never like this.

Keith never wanted to fight with him like this.

 

If Keith was in the showers, then Lance was in the training room. If Lance was with Coran on the observation deck, then Keith was with Shiro speaking with him about how to fix things. The two danced around each other like it were a completed waltz. Keith would go looking for him but Lance would automatically be two or five steps ahead. If there were any team meetings or trainings, Hunk automatically stood in between Lance and Keith; the bigger boy never letting Keith see past him to try and get the other's attention.

It was absolute torture for him to not know where they stood.

Lance never came into his room anymore to hang out or talk. They never indulged in early morning kisses before getting up anymore. Keith missed the smell of Lance's skin and his soft lips whenever they would whisper sweet nothings in Spanish to him late in the night when they both should be sleeping. 

The quiet that surrounded Keith was far too much for him to handle and his heart was breaking. Overflowing sadness spilled out from every crack and fracture that he had tore into his own heart as he remembered how Lance looked at him. How every time he thought of laughing blue eyes, they always seemed to be drowned out by tears that poured out over tanned cheeks and a downturned smile.

The silence that filled his room was deafening and he just couldn't handle it anymore.

He missed him, so very much.

And it was all his fault.

Keith swallowed down the bitterness he could feel rising up through his throat as he seeked out Shiro once again. He had been spending a lot of time with him now, seeing him more often than the others since well... The others were more of Lance's friends anyway; why would he ever be allowed to speak with them when he had done something so horrible to their friend?

Walking down the hall from his room, Keith made himself as invisible as possible while trying to calm the storm that raged within him. He fiddled around with his dagger to give his fingers something to do but something within him made him slow down as he shifted his eyes up from the ground.

Was someone singing?

It was soft, a little bit muddled since it was probably coming from behind closed doors but no, someone was singing. Their voice was low, a little bit raspy but the parts that he could really hear their voice was when they would carry a note; but boy was that one powerful note they could hold.

Keith closed his eyes and listened to them, trying to figure out who would be singing. It obviously wasn't Pidge; that little nerd couldn't even run up stairs without heaving let alone carry a tune for that long either. Hunk or Shiro maybe? But Keith already knew Shiro never sung and when he did, he was either drunk or really drunk but it was always in Japanese. 

Could it be him?

The red paladin continued down the hall, his ears straining to hear where the singing was coming from but once he turned around the corner, he wasn't alone. 

Coran stood there, arms crossed over his chest with a serene look on his face. His eyes closed as he swayed along to the voice coming from inside the atrium. The singing was much easier to hear now, the roll of his tongue and the infliction in his tone much easier to recognize. Keith slipped up quietly to the open sliding doors to stand opposite from the man; he didn't want to disturb the Altean as he enjoyed himself.

Peeking into the room, Keith's eyes immediately found Lance as the tall boy continued to sing alone to himself. He wasn't wearing his typical outfit, not that it ever mattered what he wore but it threw Keith off when he noticed that Lance was wearing one of Keith's longer sleeved shirts. The dark grey clung to his chest and shoulders, his collarbones peeking out from the crewneck cut of the shirt. Keith hardly ever wore it but he really wasn't expecting Lance to steal it from him either; although his heart tightened just a bit when he finally noticed.

Lance was sitting down, cross legged almost facing towards the door but wasn't paying any mind if he knew they were there. Or at least knew Coran was there, Keith would think Lance would stop altogether if he knew that he were there.

It has been almost a week now and they haven't spoken to each other.

Lance had gotten a little quieter now, his fingers playing with the ends of his jeans as the song seemed to end. Without really thinking about it, Keith finally turned the corner and slipped into the room. He kept to the edges, not wanting to scare him or startle him away but he did decide to follow the wall that Lance had his back to as he made his way over to one of the couches. He could still remember when Lance and Hunk had finally moved some of the furniture from the storage rooms into the atrium, Pidge had opted out to help carry them but they were the ones who told them where to place them. Shiro had pulled his weight too, carrying two heavy chairs that looked more like thrones by himself while Keith had struggled with a love seat.

Later that day, however, Keith could remember how Lance had stolen him away after dinner to count the stars in the sky and tell him all about what they would do when they got back to earth. 

The room settled back into silence when Lance finally finished his song. A long drawn out sigh shook his broad shoulders before the telltale signs of sniffling filled the room.

It shook Keith to his core that he couldn't do anything to help him or calm him down.

Hearing someone you love cry over something you have done is a feeling no one should have to go through.

 

Everything still hurt.

Turning on and off your personality is taxing, it takes a huge toll on your body to act like yourself when you don't feel like yourself. Its like slipping into a role you created because you know the people around you expect you to react in a certain way or respond as how you would when you felt like yourself.

But Lance hasn't been feeling very Lance lately.

Ever since the fight with Keith, he had been avoiding the red paladin. He couldn't face him after everything he had said to him. He couldn't shake the horrible tightness that squeezed his chest every time he tried to take a breath. His heart shattered into a million little pieces every time he let his mind wander, his thoughts always going back to Keith growling in his face with anger fierce in his eyes saying “Fuck Lance, its always you.”

Well, he knew this wouldn't last forever.

Who would want to spend the rest of their life with him?

Lance was worthless, came second to everyone and wasn't cut out for any of this. He was a replacement for those who needed one and as much as he tried his best, he was never good enough. 

Keith was right.

Keith was always right.

Lance ran his long fingers into his hair, tugging at the short brown strands as he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't pull air fast enough into his lungs as they cried out. His body felt as if ice cold water had been dumped over top his head as his chest tightened up uncomfortably. The darkness behind his eyelids weren't black like they should be, but a dark red that seemed to only transform into an inferno that felt as if it would consume him.

His whole body shook as he tried to even his breath but nothing was working. Lance had no one to help him. But did he ever? Sure, Hunk was his best friend but maybe it was all a lie? Maybe he pitied him. Pidge was probably the same, Shiro was only thrusted into this and had to make do. Allura and Coran needed them but did they really need such a useless pilot like him?

And Keith, oh Keith.

Did he really love him?

Lance heaved out harsh breathes as the stream of tears ran down his cheeks. His body shook violently as he collapsed onto the kitchen floor. He had come there for water, but really he knew that no one would ever check on him there since it was very late into the night. 

His whole body hurt, he wasn't getting enough air so his head slowly lost all its oxygen and became dizzy. Lance sobbed into his shirt sleeves that weren't even his as he tried to quell the overwhelming anxious feeling inside him. It clawed at his insides, tearing up everything that made himself who he was before darkness took him.

Tomorrow was another day.

But all his nights were spent the same.

 

Keith had opted to skip dinner that night in order to train harder and much more longer. He needed to channel his anger and heartache out somewhere so beating the shit out of A.I was his only solution since the other option wasn't available to him anymore.

As he fought on, his mind went blissfully blank as his body moved on its own accord. His sword was just another extension of himself as it sliced through robot after robot after robot before he finally shut down the training regimen. The automated voice above him congratulated him on the new level of combat he had reached before hitting the showers.

It was already very late, most of the team by now were off in their dorms settling down and decompressing for the night. Which meant it was the perfect time for Keith to actually go have himself dinner before tucking away into bed.

The castle shipped hummed softly, whirrs of various speeds filled the dimly light corridors as Keith made his way to the dining hall. His heart still ached, but he was starting to accept it as a permanent fixture that tied itself to his body. It was no different then when he was removed from the Garrison, the sinking feeling in his gut as his dreams and aspirations were forcefully taken away from him without anymore words spoken about it. That however was a different hurt but it was all the same if you ignored what the cause was.

Keith pressed his hand into the scanner by the kitchen door and waited for the heavy metal to slide open. Before he even took a step inside, his eyes meet with sad blue eyes.

“I'll only be a minute, then I'll be out of your hair.”

Lance smiled, his lips not turning up like they usually do which tore his heart in two.

“You don't have to leave.”

Keith said quietly. He didn't want to step into the kitchen just yet, his heart started to race faster and faster at the thought of having to watch Lance slip from his fingertips again.

Lance's lips twitched upwards before turning back to whatever he was doing, his back was pin straight and his movements much more quicker. Keith couldn't swallow over the lump in his throat as his eyes ran over the taller boy in front of him. 

He couldn't let him walk.

Keith needed to know where they stood.

The door slide shut behind him, the pale glow from the dining room lights fell away and left the two in the dark. The hum from the fridge was the only sound in the room, but all Keith could hear was the loud thumping of his heart as he tried his best to pull himself together.

Lance didn't turn around, still doing whatever he was doing before Keith had interrupted. The two paladins didn't speak for a while till a frustrated hiss of breath left Keith's throat.

“I need you to turn around. I need to see you.”

He saw rather than heard Lance take a large shaky breath before he turned around to face him. Lance's face was much more different than it was before; his blue eyes were still rimmed in red and swollen, but his lips were turned upwards into a forced wide smile.

“What is it buddy?”  
Keith physically flinched as he continued to stare into the other's eyes. Was he really going to pretend everything was alright? What happened to “We don't ever have to pretend to be okay ever around just us, alright Starboy?”.

“I need to apologize for hurting you, for what I said before. I was.. I was-”

“It's alright, Keith. I'm fine.”

Keith could feel his blood start to boil at the false words that were coming out of Lance's mouth. The frustration within him was slowly starting to rise higher and higher as red slowly crept up around his vision.

He refused to get mad and scare Lance away again.

“No. You are not fine, Lance. I miss you, so, so fucking much and I cannot stand for whatever this is. We need to talk and its going to be right now.”

Keith tried his best to keep his anger out from his tone. He could already see Lance's facade break as the corners of his mouth slowly drooped downwards, his eyes already welling up with fresh tears.

“What's there to talk about? You don't love me anymore.”

Keith's whole world shattered when Lance spoke, his voice hushed and full of sorrow. His shoulders shook as his hands flew up to cover his face but Keith was faster.

He closed the distance between them in a matter of seconds and pulled Lance to him for the first time in what felt like forever. Lance shivered in his arms as he pressed his wet face into the crook of Keith's neck. His lips brushed up against his skin as Lance let out a heart wrenching cry.

Keith didn't dare to speak, he couldn't. He was rendered speechless by the hollowness that filled his heart as he cradled his forever in his arms. How could Lance think such a thing? What did he do to make him feel like this?

How could they fix this?

“Shh, baby, shhh. Please, Lance, I need you to breathe.”

Keith pressed frantic kisses into the boy's cheeks, hairline, anywhere where he could touch without letting go of his waist. Lance was trembling so hard, he kept murmuring something over and over again but Keith couldn't hear him over his loud sobbing. He could feel Lance trying to catch his breath but he was hyperventilating, his body felt so cold and Keith had no idea what to do.

But he could talk.

“Lance, Lance please listen to me. I'm in love with you. I have been for the longest time and I will never not love you. I need you to breath for me, for yourself, for whatever reason but please Lance. I can't lose you.”

Keith pressed his face into Lance's wet cheek as he ran his fingers through his hair. The hand still curled around his hip tightened as he tried to get his boyfriend's breathing under control.

“I need you, Lance. I need you, there is no me without you. There will never be a universe in which there is no you for me. Lance, please believe me. I'm scared, I said stupid things because I was scared of losing you. I- I can't lose you too.”

Keith inhaled sharply as he tried to squash down the tightness that threatened to swallow him whole as he held Lance as tight as he could. Keith needed him to believe him; Lance was one of the most happiest things that had ever happened to him and he couldn't just lose it without even fighting for it.

“I-I still love you so much.”

Lance snaked his arms around his shoulders, freeing them from between their chests to do so as he pressed his forehead to Keith's. His breathing had slowly calmed down from the frantic breathes and his tears had stopped, but why did Keith's face still feel wet?

“I said some really hurtful things because I was scared, but I haven't stopped loving you.”

Keith whispered, his lips brushing Lance's as the two fell silent. The tension that was thick in the air was still there, but it was significantly different from what it had been when they first were confronted with each other.

This tension was what they could both handle.

“I'm sorry for scaring you, it wasn't my intention to ever do that. I would never hurt you, ever Keith. I'll never find someone with such a bad haircut like yours anywhere.”

Keith couldn't help but smile as the two boys fell into quiet laughter. They stood there for a bit as they settled back into a comfortable silence, their bodies still pressed up against each other before Lance flicked his eyes towards Keith's mouth.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Since when did you need to ask?”

**Author's Note:**

> So, the songs that inspired this fic are these ones as well as like you know... Write what you know :]
> 
> Let's Hurt Tonight by One Republic https://youtu.be/mptK0w0G_3o
> 
> Make Me Cry by Steffan Argus https://youtu.be/ZiqgdrAPbC0
> 
> I'll be Good by Jaymes Young https://youtu.be/mkMVyw-7avI


End file.
